Owen is my baby. He’s the youngest of my three boys and is 20 months old. He is babied by the bigger boys and probably by Josh and me as well. He loves to play outside and get dirty and sometimes he can be a real loner. Today, he went out back to play by himself. I was watching him from the kitchen window and saw him looking up with his jaw hanging open. Something had caused him to pause in awe. I grabbed my camera and went outside to share in his experience. His head was turning back and forth, left and right, up and down, as the birds and the squirrels played, jumped, and flew from one tree top to the next. Owen was enjoying the majesty of God’s creation, as if for the first time. It is such a joy to watch our children grow and explore and discover things for the first time. Things that we take for granted and no longer stop us in our tracks. Things that no longer make us weep before the Lord in thanksgiving and wonder. I’m enjoying my journey to having a heart more like Mary and less like Martha. I just put Owen down for a nap and the big boys are playing out front. I’m going to go walk on the treadmill in the garage and spend some time with Joshua and Jesse. It is an absolutely GORGEOUS day. Sunny and 70. :) God is so good.

~audrey

Monday, Josh and I celebrated our SEVENTH anniversary. We went to dinner and Josh ordered an absolutely perfect 11 oz. steak. It was a filet, so it was rather round in shape. For some strange reason, as he cut into it for the first time, I said, “Do you realize babies have survived that weighed less than your steak?” It’s true. The smallest baby that has ever been born early and survived was born at 24 weeks weighing a mere 10 oz. What a miracle.

Josh’s response: “That’s kind of disturbing. Thanks.”

The steak was delicious. :)

~audrey

Yesterday was BAD…to say the least.   My kids were CRAZY, nothing went as planned, I stressed all day about something that ended up getting rescheduled at the last minute, and I found out that I have to have a biopsy on my thyroid this morning!  It was NOT a good day.  Unfortunately, I feel like most of my days have been like that recently.  I have felt completely out of control and as a result, I have been stressed out and ‘on edge’ constantly.  My children have been the recipients of my anger lately and I hate that.  I have been yelling again and Jesse has gotten several spankings in the last week.  I had not spanked in a LONG time, but my change and lack of calmness has effected his behavior and as a result he has earned some pretty major punishment.  I do not like me like this.  I’ve actually been consciously doing all the right things to get myself together and calm down.  I don’t know what’s gotten into me!?  Is it this new birth control?  It’s suppose to have a VERY low dose of hormones that lasts for FIVE years; how could that have such a dramatic effect on my ‘mood’??  All I know is, something has to change!  I have absolutely no motivation to do anything around my house, I’ve lost all creativity with the kids, and everyday tasks just seem like a chore.  I was actually watching a commercial last night for Cymbalta ( a depression med.) and all the symptoms they listed were ones that I have had lately!!  But I don’t feel depressed.  It’s not like I feel sad or “down”.  I just don’t feel like myself and I’m going to fight like crazy to get back to the “old me” without medication.  Believe me, I’m not in denial.  I am being treated by my aunt with homeopathic remedies for a variety of things and usually my remedy balances my hormones as well.  I just hate the thought of having to go on some long term medication at my age.

Anyways!  Enough of the depressing stuff!  I am taking the right steps to regain my sanity and enjoy life to the fullest.  Thankfully, I have a new project underway.  I am organizing a large armoire for a friend.  She is consolidating her desk into this armoire and it is full of school supplies, crafts, books, bills, CDs, and all kinds of things that don’t belong in there but don’t have a home of their own.  I started on Monday and I hope to finish up today.  Organizing is definitely one area that makes me come alive.  I’m looking forward to the finished project and the satisfaction of knowing this will make their life easier and more pleasant.  To me, there is nothing better than always knowing where something is when you need it.  Some prime examples of things that often go missing in a home are:  scotch tape, scissors, keys, remote controls, and glasses.  If you create a specific ‘home’ for these items and get in the habit of returning the items to their proper home everytime you finish using them, you will never have to “look” for them again!

Choose joy today!  I am not going to raise my voice today…with the Lord’s help!

~audrey

I have felt SO convicted lately about being a “Martha” and never being a “Mary”. I feel like I’m always looking at the next thing. The next client, the next date on my calendar, the next event, the next appointment…I rarely live in the moment. Just today I was thinking, “I can’t wait for Joshua’s birthday to be over.” That is terrible! I want to be a fun mom that enjoys life and enjoys my family and my children in each and every moment. I want to learn (it is going to be a learning process for me!) how to put my “agenda” aside and enjoy all the little moments I am currently missing out on because I’m too busy checking things off my list and preparing for ‘the next thing’. I’m now looking forward to Joshua’s birthday, having his friends spend the night, and throwing him a FANTASTIC birthday party on Saturday. I want him to enjoy every moment and I want to be there to enjoy it with him (hopefully capturing it all on camera :).
In order for me to become more like “Mary”, I knew the Lord was leading me to prioritize my schedule. Get rid of things that just don’t fit anymore and only keep the things that are best for my family.
One of the first things I felt like I needed to let go of was the praise team. Every single Saturday for I don’t even know how long, I have been at praise team practice. And every single Sunday for about the last eight years, I have been on stage singing. I absolutely love worship. I love being a part of the worship team and I’m looking SOOOOO forward to our new worship leaders coming next month. However, I NEVER have a weekend with my family…ever. In fact, Sundays are typically my busiest day of the week. It just shouldn’t be that way. As a result, I have really felt a need to purge all unnecessary things in my calendar. A clean sweep of my schedule. I have a hard time saying no. Especially if it is a client asking me to do extra work. In my mind, it is the responsible thing to say yes, hire a babysitter, squeeze it into my schedule, and earn the extra money. However, I came to the realization last week that I AM A HOMESCHOOLING, STAY-AT-HOME MOM WHO IS NEVER HOME!!! As a result, I cleared my schedule this week. Nothing on Monday, no school with the Bailey’s on Tuesday (sorry guys!), no girls’ lunch on Wednesday…it has been amazing. I go to bed each night almost stress-free. I wake up each morning, start the coffee pot, and sit down to watch cartoons with the boys for a little while. I didn’t even get out of my jammies until around 11am at least two of those days. This is how it needs to be more often. My house is clean, I’ve gotten caught up on all my laundry, my kids have gotten back on their normal schedule, and things are just more peaceful around here. I’ve actually sat down with a book a few times this week…just because I had TIME! Although I love all the things in my schedule, I love my family and my sanity more. Although it hurts me to cancel playdates with friends and quit something I love as much as the worship team, it is also liberating to know that I can stay at home with my children– which was my biggest intention all along. I know that eventually we will get busy again…busy is not always bad. But right now, in this season for me and my family, home is where I want to be. Just us, with nothing else to do. It’s nice.

~audrey