Not Ashamed
I am about to share a personal story with you. It is between a close relative and myself as we express our opinions about her adult son who is dating a Christian woman (who happens to be from the South). The names will be changed for privacy sake, but I really felt the need to share this.
Here is the long and short of it: I had a phone conversation with my relative, let’s call her “Jane”, last week. Aunt Jane called to tell me about a fight her son, “Jack” had gotten into with his girlfriend, “Jill”. Aunt Jane is not a Christian and pretty much thinks Christians are ignorant, closed-minded, blubbering idiots, who are mostly from the South. When we spoke last week, I made a statement about how I was surprised that a Christian woman would even be thinking so seriously about marrying a man who supposedly has such opposing beliefs. In a very sarcastic and degrading tone she responded, “Audrey, you don’t really think that all Christians are like you, do you?” In reality, I wonder if maybe Jack’s beliefs are not so opposing to mine and “Jill’s” and he simply hasn’t shared this with his mother because of the verbal onslaught that would certainly ensue. Understandably, it pains my aunt to think about her son marrying someone so closed-minded and different, so she was rather stressed when we spoke on the phone. As a result, she emailed me this morning and asked that I clarify what I was saying on the phone and give her my opinion about an email she had written, but not yet sent, to Jack regarding her concerns. She misunderstood me and thought I was saying that Jill is not a “good Christian” if she’s considering marrying a non-believer. Please know, that none of the following was written in anger. We have agreed to disagree on the issue of faith for as long as I’ve been able to think for myself. We love each other dearly and have conversations like this at least a few times a year, so please don’t misinterpret my tone or intentions…
“Hi Auntie,
Well, I suppose first off I should say I’m pretty sure I didn’t use the term “good Christian” because I don’t believe in such. You either are a Christian, or you’re not. I know in other parts of the country (meaning, other than the south), the term ‘Christian’ is used lightly. Knowing what kind of church “Jill” goes to (my friend went there for three years while living in Atlanta), I assume if she is a Christian, then she believes the Bible to be truth. As Christians, believing the Bible to be truth, we are not “saved” by works, but by faith, so the choices you make do not affect your “status” as a Christian, but rather, the Bible itself is your moral compass. With that comes specific moral convictions that I think would be very hard to “compromise” on with a non-Christian spouse. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that “Jill” was either ‘not a good person’ or ‘not a Christian’. I’m not so naive to think that Christians always marry Christians. However, marriage is difficult, over the span of several decades, even when you’re married to someone who shares all of the same moral convictions and beliefs as yourself, so how much harder is it to sustain love and respect within your marriage if you don’t share the same moral convictions and beliefs? This affects everything from where you worship and how you vote, to how you will raise your children. For me, it would be like marrying someone who barely speaks the same language as myself. We could only go so far in our relationship before we hit a road block. It seems that may be the road block “Jack” and “Jill” hit last weekend. I know many people believe in ‘soul mates’ even if they don’t believe in God. I truly believe that God created a woman specifically for “Jack”, knowing all of his needs, strengths and weaknesses, and all the desires of his heart. That woman will be “Jack’s” perfect ‘help meet’. Whether or not that person is “Jill” remains to be seen.
You certainly didn’t hurt me by disagreeing. What a great country (and family) we live in when we can agree to disagree on subjects such as this and go on loving each other all the same. I’m certainly thankful for “Jack” and all those like him who fight to preserve that freedom.
As for your “letter never sent”; I think you should send it. The only part I disagree with is your statement, “How big a chance do you have of meeting a non-fundamentalist Christian woman in the South?” That seems about as accurate and fair as a statement like, “What are the chances you’re going to find anything other than a liberal, feminist woman up North?” I understand the stereotype, but it’s rather prejudicial, and to imply that “Jack” needs to get out of the South to find a suitable mate seems nonsensical.
It’s a shame that the main stream media always seems to find the most ignorant, redneck, racist people to represent “Christianity”. It’s no accident on their part and it paints a terribly inaccurate picture of Christianity to those who otherwise don’t have a clue what we’re all about.
I suppose I’ll step down from my soap box now. :)
love
audrey “
I’d love to hear your opinion on my response.
~audrey
September 11th, 2009 at 8:07 am
I found your blog through Kristen Davis’ blog.
Well said! What a loving, forthright response and glorifying to God as well. Sometimes it is difficult to achieve that balance between making sure our beliefs are expressed and making sure we glorify God and don’t taint our witness in the process. We Christians are good at shooting not only our wounded but the world’s wounded as well. I do believe, as do you, in God preparing our spouse; we’ve been praying for our daughter’s since her birth. I do believe that God allows unequal yoking and that it can bring that unsaved spouse into His kingdom. Perhaps that is the plan with “Jack & Jill.” I also know what it is to deal with unbelieving relatives who disrespect your faith.
Now to address that “Southern” thing because I’m as Southern as pecan pie, SEC football and sweet tea… with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek, allow me to quote 2 Southern writers…”If you are going to be underestimated by people who speak more rapidly, the temptation is to speak slowly and strategically and outwit them.” (Doris Betts) and “God talks like we do!” (Lewis Grizzard)
Keep up the great blogging. And may God continue to bless you with the heart for His unsaved people.
Hope Remsen
remsenhope-fearfullywonderfullymade.blogspot.com